Dating with Anxiety
Written by Stacie Atre of The Pink Sage
3 minute read
If you are like me, your brain is in ON mode all the time. I lie down to sleep at night and my brain says “oh hey, glad you are here. This is a good time to remember how embarrassed you were about your bangs in 8th grade!”
Why am I awake and why am I thinking about this?! But also, should I cut bangs again?
Being anxious is a part of life. We all worry about things and we each have our own unique struggles, but dating with anxiety can make it even more difficult to make good choices for yourself because you are constantly questioning and worrying if you are making “the right” move and “do they like me?”
The good news is – there is hope! I have struggled and continue to struggle with anxiety in my life, but through this journey I have found some great tools that helped me switch up my process in online dating, so I could actually enjoy it again. This “pink sage process” was a major shift in mindset that was much needed! I went from struggling with online dating for over 6 years and thinking “my time will never come,” to now being married to a wonderful man (my husband who I met on Bumble) Like I said, there is hope!
Below are some of the best tips I can provide for you without knowing your unique situation.
1. What’s meant for me is for me.
This is a mantra I adopted when I first switched up my online dating process a few years ago. It’s a core belief that love is meant for me and I am meant for love. It’s why we are here on this earth. Please know and believe this. Also, repeat this mantra 11 times – TODAY. Then repeat it 21 times before your next date to remind yourself that if this person is meant for you, they will be there for you. They will accept you as you are, enjoy your company, make time for you and respect you. Don’t put so much pressure on dates thinking you have to convince someone to like you. Let them convince you they are the one! What’s meant for you is for you and the right person will show you this is true.
2. Go to the date wanting to have fun as your most authentic self!
Try to approach dating in a more light hearted manner. Remember, what’s meant for you is for you, so why not enjoy the night? Laugh more, share a weird story, make a “special order” at the restaurant – if that’s you! I’m a special orderer, haha. If you can’t have fun with this person and they can’t enjoy you as yourself, relaxed and confident, then you will know that right away and they just saved you both a lot of time! Thank you, NEXT.
3. Don’t worry about being intimate right away
This takes a lot of pressure and anxiety off of the first few dates. If a man wants to become intimate with you physically too quickly then that might be a sign he is not looking for a serious relationship and if you aren’t either then live your life (with protection of course, love!) But if you are looking for a committed relationship and something more intimate emotionally, then make him wait sister! You are worth the wait! Remember, what’s meant for you is for you. If he is meant for you, he will be open to waiting as long as it takes until YOU feel comfortable. This waiting process was always a litmus test for me in my dating life. You are worth his time, energy and effort in getting to know you emotionally, mentally and spiritually first before he has access to you physically. Freedom of choice is also the freedom to choose when and where you are most comfortable and if it’s a NO, then let it be a no.
4. Don’t go on more than 2 dates with someone you are not actually interested in.
This is my last tip for now, love. If you aren’t interested in someone, don’t go on more than 2 dates with them! They don’t deserve anymore of your time and energy. Your time is important and if you are truly seeking a partner, why waste time with someone who isn’t a good match for you? You don’t owe these men anything. Remember, what’s meant for you is for you. So, don’t be afraid to let things go that aren’t meant for you (this includes who you follow on IG and FB too, let them go, love).
If you are interested in learning more about The Pink Sage dating process please reach out to Stacie on IG @ThePinkSage and you can email her at stacie@hellopinksage.com Sending you love and lots of less anxious wishes!